(*.*)

little by litte...

im starting to pick up the pieces.

im starting to accept things.

im starting to get used to not having you around.

though it still hurts. sometimes.

Love on the 29th

*** i feel like crap*** without you.
this used to be my happiest day of every month. but today it feels like someone died.

all I could think of are the memories of every 29th we had. it may be grand or not. but we were always together for this day. We'd make it possible to be together. I so remember we'd eat whatever we want or just go somewhere...just the two of us.

i'm remembering a lot of things about u now. The times i'd tease you...and u'd get pissed. the look on your face trying to ignore me but you cant help it. I love it when u react to the silly things I do. I remember us just lying in bed and just talking...talking about anything and everything. I love it when you listen intently. I love it when u smile and laugh.

I also remember the times you made me me smile and laugh. laugh my heart and brains out. The funny faces only you can make. you are indeed a clown of my own.

I also remember one time, not so long ago..around feb. we were out watching a gig...and we were with your brother demolays. you asked me to sit on your lap and when i did..after 2-3mins. you said "bug-at" hahaha! i hate you for saying it but it did make me laugh sooo hard.

these little things are what my heart beats for...

i was never sure of so many things before. The only thing i was sure about was you.

if only

It's been a week since I last saw you.

Day by day I hate waking up thinking of you because you make me realize how much I love you and how much I did you wrong. I know all my sorry and all these tears are not enough. I've been selfish and have taken you for granted so many times. Your intentions were always of a good person. I didn't see that until now.

If only I could put a smile on that pretty face.

If only I could make you laugh again.

If only I could touch your hand and tell you I'll always be here.

If only I could hug you tight and never let go.

If only I could make you see that we were always better together.

If only I could make you not forget about us.

If only I could do more for you.

If only I could be where you are right now.

If only I could take away your pain and worries.

If only I could change your mind and be in your heart again.

^^I miss you like crazy.^^

All I can do now is trust that somewhere in the universe, there's a you that feels the same.

Thank God for friends...

what is a friend?

"A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out."

I've always been blessed with great friends. One thing in life I cannot live without are my friends. I've always thought of them as the people who breathe life into me. 

and more especially they are nothing but fabulous!

number 1 on my playlist right now.

I never really liked Demi Lovato but I so feel this song right now.

Did you forget that I was even alive?
Did you forget everything we ever had?
Did you forget, did you forget, about me?

Did you regret ever standing by my side?
Did you forget what we were feeling inside?
Now I'm left to forget about us

But somewhere we went wrong
We were once so strong
Our love is like a song
You can't forget it.

So now I guess this where we have to stand
Did you regret ever holding my hand?
Never again
Please don't forget, don't forget.

We had it all.
We were just about to fall even more in love
Than we were before.
I won't forget, I won't forget about us.

But somewhere we went wrong
We were once so strong
Our love is like a song
You can't forget it.

Somwhere we went wrong
We were once so strong
Our love is like a song
You can't forget it.

And at last all the pictures have been burnt.
And all the past is just a lesson that we've learned.
I won't forget, please don't forget, us.

But somewhere we went wrong
Our love is like a song
But you won't sing along
You've forgotten
About
Us.

when pain remains constant..

got a text message from a friend this morning:

memories play a very confusing role. they make u laugh when u remember the time u cried together...but makes u cry when u remember the time u laughed together....

Things haven't been so good lately. He left for manila a few days ago and left me with a broken heart. The last hug was the worst part. I could feel my heart split into two as he wrapped me in his arms. I was full of tears and he was just calm. We tried to separate in a nice way. Honestly, there's no nice way. You just have to pretend that you're both okay or atleast make it look like you are okay.

As days pass by without him...all i could think of are the memories we had. The times i cried and laughed with him. A day can't pass with out me texting or calling him. 24 hours can't pass without a tear falling from my eyes. It's just so hard to stop my self. It's just so hard not to think of him. After all, he was my one great love. Maybe he still is. I dunno.

You may think I'm weak and I'm stupid...but I don't care. If you can't understand this then I guess you haven't loved or haven't had your "one great love" experience yet. If you've been through it...then by all means judge me.

The whole thing is a process. From being so down to pulling yourself up. It's a work in progress. It amazes me though how other people would force you to move on like set you up and tell you to forget him. Its not that easy. It also amazes me that there are some people who can move on in less than a day. Especially those who find themselves with a different partner right away. This isn't so for my case.

I'd rather mourn more than think of me with someone new. Its not that I refuse to move on. I just want time. Time for myself. Time to think things through. Time to make myself happy again. I want to deal with these emotional baggages that I have first. I dont want to make the person that I will be with suffer because of these ignored issues with myself. So please understand. This is my way of moving on...not yours.

I want to make things right. If I wanna make it right. I have to go through all these. Even if it means crying for him everyday.

a girl can never have too many shoes.

O-M-GEEE!

 i cashed out on a pair of Alberto shoes again...cant help it. 

when i saw it, it was crying out 

"Buy me. We're made for each other".

♥ ♥ ♥

Sometimes it pays to give another chance. It's like starting over a new life. Most people would say you're stupid for making bad decisions...but do they really know? I know I have made so many bad decisions in the past and i've regret most of them. But when it comes to matters of the heart... I never regret anything as long as I know this makes me happy. A good friend told me once that its important that you know what or who you really want in life. Honestly, I dont really know what I want.  all I know is that I just want to be Happy ~ and knowing that is good enough.

Over the past few months, I have learned a lot, was hurt, was disappointed, frustrated, was let down, laughed my heart out, cried buckets of tears, learned and tried to trust, gained new friends, found out who my true friends were and loved myself even more. It's a given that one's life is full of drama. Well, I was running away from drama. It was full of it that I just didn't give a damn. but you have to face reality. I came face - to - face with it and that's when I started to enjoy and appreciate life.

The people around me are the ones who breathe life into me. They make it so much easier. Even that one person who could hurt you like hell and at the same time could love you so much or even more than you could imagine. He makes you human. He makes and breaks you. But at the end of the day...its just the two of you looking at the same sunset. 

“It's something unpredictable, but in the end its right. I hope you had the time of your life.” - green day