definitely not my month!

On the midnight of September 1, I said to myself and to the world "September is definitely my month".  It's my birth month and I wanted everything to be better than the last months. Right now its the middle of the month and so far...all I'm feeling is lonely and deserted. 

I am broke. The cupcake business is fine but with the lifestyle that I have its never enough. I have bills to pay, stuff to buy and a kid to support. 

I try my best to do everything right but its never enough. Some of my family members think this is a very stupid turning point for me. I never get the support I need. My personal life is hanging by a thread. Really. Sometimes I just dont know what to do next. 

The hard work I've done is never appreciated. There's always something wrong with what I did. Always something missing. I don't even think of myself anymore. What I keep in mind is that as long as the people around me are happy then I'm happy.

But look who's crying now? This week love was taken away from me twice. how lucky is that? I'm spreading myself to thin for the people I love and they still hate me. I am always the Evil monster. I am the girl who never gets the love she deserves. They can just take away everything at any time. and it sucks. and i wish the black hole would suck me in. 

so i guess 8 days from now, I'll be sitting on a table blowing a candle all by myself...

Sometimes, giving up is the easiest way out. But I cant do that. Because that's not me. All I can do now is surrender everything to God. and hope that eventually these sadness will go away. 

What's keeping me busy

I have my hands full right now... I actually started my business. ~I HEART CUPCAKES~ (you have to agree, the names cute...right?!?) it's all about cupcakes! Obviously, the name says it all. 

What's nice about this business is that I'm earning money and enjoying every minute of it. There are days that it gets really busy...as in really busy. Like 100+ cupcakes in a day...since im just starting and i dont have my own place yet it can really get messy here in the house kitchen. But thanks to my family and other people here at home - they've been very supportive and helpful.

I just hope and pray that this will keep on going and reach my goals for this endeavor of mine.

now, you have to see my creations! they're just so adorable.

i'm alive today

okay, so i was gone for quite a while...

i just actually needed time...time to think things through, it was getting toxic and yes it did me good. . everything fell into place.

so now im back with a smile on my face and thanking GOD for the life he has given me. Its not perfect - i know! but i am happy where I'm standing right now.

lost.

sometimes God needs to take some things away for us to see and realize what really matters in life.

The past weeks I lost so many important things in my life. And I lost them all at the same time. I felt hurt, crushed and bruised. The only reason that keeps me going is knowing that God has bigger and greater plans for me.

#1 on my playlist right now

Shared to me by my friend Iya...this is so me right now.

Not drunk enough - adele erichsen

Never been a girl who used to cry
Didn`t show emotions, don`t know why
Didn`t wanna feel the pain inside, I guess

But as the years keep going by,
you came along and changed my mind
I should leave the past behind me,
I should let you find me,
supposed to stay beside me
You were supposed to guide me,
through the ups and downs,
you were always gonna be around until the end

I still think we could
`cause you and me, we`re good
And I`ll tell you why this hurts, 'cause I`m sober


But I just wanna be drunk
so I can forget about you
and all the stupid things that love has pulled me through
Even when I've had too much,
I still feel your touch
Maybe this just means that I`m not drunk enough

So I`m gonna get myself another drink
whenever I start to think about you
`cause I do what I really don`t want to
but sometimes my dreams just come through

And when I get there,
to a place where I see you in a kitchen
I stop wishing but that thing and I don`t need you,
I don`t really wanna see you
and I don`t want you to see me,
you would think that I was crazy,
you might think that I wanna be close to you
but I`d rather wanna drink some Whisky
and maybe have a little sip `o wine
`cause right now it`s the only thing that makes me forget you are mine
but right now I am sober

But I just wanna be drunk
so I can forget about you
and all the stupid things that love has pulled me through
Even when I've had too much,
I still feel your touch
Maybe this just means that I`m not drunk enough

I still think we could
(I`m not drunk enough)
`cause you and me, we`re good
`cause I`m sober

But I just wanna be drunk
so I can forget about you
and all the stupid things that love has pulled me through
Even when I've had too much,
I still feel your touch
Maybe this just means that I`m not drunk enough

(I still think we could)
But I just wanna be drunk
so I can forget about you
and all the stupid things that love has pulled me through
(`cause you and me we`re good)
Even when I've had too much,
I still feel your touch
Maybe this just means that I`m not drunk enough

thanks to: http://vagalume.uol.com.br/adele/not-drunk-enough.html for the lyrics

<3

my heart is restless.

can't sleep. cant do anything.

i am so lost.

='(

my #1 song for today...

Coldplay is a genius. They make the best songs. Always. Mind blowing lyrics.

Coldplay - Swallowed In The Sea
Uploaded by ernestgc. - Watch more music videos, in HD!

You put me on a shelf, and kept me for yourself. I can only blame myself... you can only blame me.

0_o

I smiled today. In fact, I had a wonderful day. 

for a moment i got to escape the "not so wonderful" part of life.

ouchy

When my heart hurts...

my tummy aches as well...

='(

What's No.1 on my playlist...♫♪

i heart katy perry and her songs. this one knocked me out hard. 

there are 2 versions for the music vid...i like the 2nd version.

♫♪ Katy Perry - thinking of you ♫♪

Comparisons are easily done
Once you've had a taste of perfection
Like an apple hanging from a tree
I picked the ripest one
I still got the seed

You said move on
Where do I go
I guess second best
Is all I will know

Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into your eyes

You're like an Indian summer
In the middle of winter
Like a hard candy
With a surprise center
How do I get better
Once I've had the best
You said there's
Tons of fish in the water
So the waters I will test

He kissed my lips
I taste your mouth
He pulled me in
I was disgusted with myself

Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into...

You're the best
And yes I do regret
How I could let myself
Let you go
Now the lesson's learned
I touched it I was burned
Oh I think you should know

Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into your eyes
Looking into your eyes
Looking into your eyes
Oh won't you walk through
And bust in the door
And take me away
Oh no more mistakes
Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay...

** the lyrics on bold are the lines that really got me...**

bitter me!

Got a text message from my cousin, Hyacinth:

LUCKY People:

1. Lucky is the girl with small bust, for there's no chance that she will marry a maniac.

2. Lucky is the boy with out good looks, for he will not have a relationship with a shallow girl.

3. Lucky is a girl who is unattractive, for she will not attract fake love.

4. Lucky is a boy who lives in poverty, for a girl will value him because of his real worth.

5. Lucky is the girl with many imperfections, she will be loved inspite of these.

6. Lucky are the people who feel pain when they love, for it is real love that they feel.

Number 6 is so true. It wont hurt at all if its not real. BUT dont you wish you belong to the Lucky group of numbers 1 to 5? ( well, except number 1... i want a maniac ...LOL... ) Why do i have to belong to the ones who get hurt...to the ones who feel pain...i want to be loved inspite all my imperfections ~ isnt that perfect?! or be valued for my real worth and all the nice things...

i cant help it. im bitter. its unfair.

What's No.1 on my playlist...

Nothing beats the original...

love this song...

and i can definitely relate... LOL...

Late last night
I was goin through some old things
When i Saw a picture of you and my best friend
It reminded me of day when you were mine
You had a way that always let me hear with a smile
I want those sweet days back agian
Cause baby

Its sunny day
But you're not around
That dog gone rain might as well be pouring down
Its such a shame
Cause your heart on the ground
Just wanna be cool with you again

Sometimes I sit By the fire and reminisce
About the time we spent infront of it
And that old flame will never be the same
Until you come back and rekindle it
I just wanna share my heart with you again
Cause babe

I fall asleep at night
And often see you here
In my dreams
Holding me
But then I wake up and I realize that you're
Not here with me
It hurts so much
I gotta have you back babe

='(

I'm back on that same spot again. 

Don't know what to do or where to go?

='(

♥ ~.~♥

i'll wait if you want me to.

love by ~laurapora on deviantART

scootersmiffmusic

i lurrrvvve this video. Check out the dance moves of these little kids...haha. So cute and so cool.

...and and and...Chris Brown is so hot here.

oooooooops!

okay, so i got in trouble again. wooopsies! because of being clumsy. and tired. and being hurt. being Psychologically and emotionally unstable. and plainly our freakin' parking lot is so small. and the guards. It was their job to help me back up my car. where were they? drinking coffee and having a cig. ugh!

There wasnt really a big damage on the other car. i was just backing my car slowly and bumped into this Ford Ranger pick up. the paint on the right side of the bumper was chipped off. If you take a look at the bumper the paint were already chipped off. there was not even a dent.

So this guy, (white, big and scary) the owner of the Ranger was called down by the guards who just came after watching me bump that car. He acted so nice saying its ok and that i need to be more careful next time.

2days later. I got a text message from him saying that he left the estimated price for the repair at the front desk of our office. I hurriedly got it and checked ---- What teh hell! he wants 5k for the repair and reform. is he out of his mind????

There wasnt even any physical damage except for that chipped off paint. I mean i will pay... i'm not trying to get off the hook here. Its just that he's asking for more than what i should just be giving him. He even told me that the inside of the bumper was damaged. duh???? what does he take me for? That's the problem with men they think that we dont know anything about cars. I just feel so bad. but I wont give in to this. This is just not right at all.

(*.*)

little by litte...

im starting to pick up the pieces.

im starting to accept things.

im starting to get used to not having you around.

though it still hurts. sometimes.

Love on the 29th

*** i feel like crap*** without you.
this used to be my happiest day of every month. but today it feels like someone died.

all I could think of are the memories of every 29th we had. it may be grand or not. but we were always together for this day. We'd make it possible to be together. I so remember we'd eat whatever we want or just go somewhere...just the two of us.

i'm remembering a lot of things about u now. The times i'd tease you...and u'd get pissed. the look on your face trying to ignore me but you cant help it. I love it when u react to the silly things I do. I remember us just lying in bed and just talking...talking about anything and everything. I love it when you listen intently. I love it when u smile and laugh.

I also remember the times you made me me smile and laugh. laugh my heart and brains out. The funny faces only you can make. you are indeed a clown of my own.

I also remember one time, not so long ago..around feb. we were out watching a gig...and we were with your brother demolays. you asked me to sit on your lap and when i did..after 2-3mins. you said "bug-at" hahaha! i hate you for saying it but it did make me laugh sooo hard.

these little things are what my heart beats for...

i was never sure of so many things before. The only thing i was sure about was you.

if only

It's been a week since I last saw you.

Day by day I hate waking up thinking of you because you make me realize how much I love you and how much I did you wrong. I know all my sorry and all these tears are not enough. I've been selfish and have taken you for granted so many times. Your intentions were always of a good person. I didn't see that until now.

If only I could put a smile on that pretty face.

If only I could make you laugh again.

If only I could touch your hand and tell you I'll always be here.

If only I could hug you tight and never let go.

If only I could make you see that we were always better together.

If only I could make you not forget about us.

If only I could do more for you.

If only I could be where you are right now.

If only I could take away your pain and worries.

If only I could change your mind and be in your heart again.

^^I miss you like crazy.^^

All I can do now is trust that somewhere in the universe, there's a you that feels the same.

Thank God for friends...

what is a friend?

"A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out."

I've always been blessed with great friends. One thing in life I cannot live without are my friends. I've always thought of them as the people who breathe life into me. 

and more especially they are nothing but fabulous!