Broke and not so happy about it.

This morning i was looking at the list of expenses i will be spending for the next few days. I just stared at it and I just cried. I know crying wont solve anything. But it just had to come out. I just had to cry all my worries out.

yes, i am broke. Well, I’ve been broke ever since i quit my job. for 7 months now but not as broke as now.  I’m running on empty. No money for gas, food, anything. No money at all. EMPTY. There’s no one to blame but me. I’ve never been good with saving up. Before The Spookzter left, we were fine. I was contented and happy with what i had. We both didn’t have any jobs but somehow we managed our expenses. Well, its not really that hard especially that I am staying here in my mother’s house with my brothers. So we really don’t pay rent and if we didn’t have any money we’d just eat whatever the maid serves. And I remember before if we needed to spend on something there’s always money. But now its different.

i guess i also cried this morning because the worries just started to crawl up to me. and i just don’t know what to do. Life sucks right now and i dont know how to make it better. I cant just depend on the people around me all the time. I cannot ask mom for money. and i know my brother would rub it to my face that im a good for nothing. :( The Spookzter is somewhere far and i cant talk to him about my worries the way we talked before. Its had being away. He’s got his own worries to deal with. I dont want to add my problems to his. I started applying for a job but i’ve been waiting for two weeks now and no one has called me back. I have a kid to raise. Jordan has been with us for two years now. I’ve always made sure that all he needed is taken cared of. But right now i cant even afford to buy a pair of new pants for his pre-school graduation. Last time he had allergies and i had to take him to the doctor and my brother had to pay for everything because i didn’t have a single cent. I cannot swallow anything at that time. I just felt so bad. I am so pathetic and living a life i cannot afford.